Pumping Sunshine

As featured in the Blondie song “Rapture” is a guy who knew what he was talking about.

Unlike Harold Camping. The brains behind May 21,2011: Judgment Day.

I don’t think that I have a statement about Judgment Day. Aside from the fact that “someone” needs a dictionary. It’s true. If you notice Judgment Day is “Judgement Day” to Camping and his followers. Oh well, I suppose it doesn’t matter. All that matters to me is that I missed out. That’s right. I was “left behind”. And if you are reading this, you were “left behind” also. Just think of the ramifications of this unsettling fact.

For me, well, I would have to say that it’s nothing new to get picked to be on the wrong team. Happened all through grade school. It got a little better in high school, but look at me now. Rejected from Team Jesus. Helloooo Team Left Behind. It’s not all bad. At least I don’t have to be ordered around by the obviously worthy, Team Jesus All Star and Raptured Hero Harold Camping. Of course he’s raptured. He’s no where to be found right now. And of course Jesus has built the mightiest of all secured locations, that’s why Camping brought all of his pilfered money for safe keeping. I hope at least a couple of beefy, former armored truck delivery guards have been raptured so that they can stand ready to protect the booty.

Hmmm. Safe keeping. Now that I think about it I shouldn’t be blogging. I should be out there pillaging for supplies. I’m sure that there are pockets of retailers who have also been Left Behind so it should be easy. As long as I go during business hours, that is. Still, it will be a rush to wander up and down the aisles and forage for just the right backpack to carry my supplies of jerkied meat and freeze dried chili. Which reminds me…I gotta get that 17 in one condiment/spice holder. Let me go and forage aisle 3. And while I’m at it I will head for aisle 23 where the boots are. I have to get a good pair so that I can walk around when all the gasoline is gone. Or hits $7 a gallon, which ever comes first.

Well, I suppose that I should get used to the fact that I, and my entire family, have been left behind. I’m a bit surprised that EVERYONE in my family was left behind. I would have thought that at least one or two would have been worthy to make the leap. You know, now that I look around, my neighbors seem to have been left behind too. And every church I drove past today seemed to be chock full of people left behind and praying for their souls to be redeemed in some small way. I must say that I am not surprised that the churches survived. They are, after all, the spiritual fallout shelters for billions of true believers who will, I am sure, be working on their praying technique now.

Wow. I sound a little bitter that I’ve been left behind. I’m really not. I’ve consulted the “Judgement Day” website and have learned that I’m ok for now. Until October 21, 2011. That’s when all of the natural disasters unleashed onto the world will come together in what I can only imagine will be an impressive display of fire and brimstone falling from the sky and twisting the very core of the earth in an explosion that will light up the universe like no other event.

And in a final gesture of love and caring, Jesus has authorized Harold Campings representatives who have been left behind to outfit the unworthy with “Team Left Behind” t-shirts. YAY!!!! Oh. Wait. I have to pay $20.40 for one. Well, what the hell? My money won’t be good for much longer. I suppose that I can spare it. I’m getting mine!!!

Would you like one too???? Click here!!!!

Team Left Behind.